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when we were babies my dad was a stay-at-home dad while my mom kicked ass in the courtroom but he would carry my twin brother and me around with one baby on the front and one on his back in backpacks
and women would come up and look at how cute i was and coo over me and be like “awww how cute wow”
and my dad would be like, “YOU KNOW WHAT’S CUTER THAN ONE BABY”
and then he’d spin around
and BAM
there was my brother
(via homosexualpopcorn)
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WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
what-
I’M REBLOGGING THIS BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE SCARED ALONE I’M SORRY
GET THE SALT!
(via homosexualpopcorn)
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theperksofbeingasuperwholockian:
we’re gonna be weird adults
gonna be?
I glued googley eyes to my toaster and coffee maker so I wouldn’t be lonely.
can i marry you?
(via thesablekitty)
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May I please leave this world and live in a Hayao Miyazaki film instead
(via thesablekitty)
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How to finish that last minute assignment
I can not count the number of times this trick has saved my ass.
And people say Tumblr doesn’t teach you life skills…
this will come in handy one day
ATTENTION GRADUATING CLASS OF 2012: COLLEGE SURVIVAL 101
REBLOGGING FOR MY SISTER
REBLOGGING THIS AGAIN BECAUSE I START COLLEGE AGAIN IN TWO WEEKS.
NECESSARY THINGS.
(via thesablekitty)
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me on my period
- me: touch me and DIE
- me: please touch me oh my god touch me EVERYWHERE OH MY GOD
- me: feed me im hungry i want to eat ALL THE THINGS
- me: IT HURTS DEAR GOD THIS IS IT THIS IS THE END DEATH IS UPON ME
- me: -cries for 3 hours-
- me: oh my god i'm hungry
- me: SHOOT ME IN THE WOMB I SIMPLY CANNOT GO ON
- me: no no no please don't sneeze please don't FUCKING SNEEZE
- me: -sneezes-
- me: THE END IS HERE
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(via so-relatable)
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The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
JESUS CRUST.
JAM IT!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
HES BREAD JIM
DEM PUNS X’D
(via thesablekitty)
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what if every time someone left your fandom tumblr made a cannon noise and their user pic and url flashed at the top of your dash
everyone in the homestuck fandom would just hear a constant noise
(via thesablekitty)
